Alisha Patel was surprised to see her foster home placement agent when she answered her door on Monday afternoon. "Ankita? Hi. You weren't supposed to be here until Thursday. What's up? More inspection work?"
"Oh no, Mrs. Patel, this isn't the home inspection visit. We've completed that and your home is good to go. In fact, you passed with not one issue. We're very pleased to have you on board with us."
Alisha breathed a sigh of relief; she had indeed felt she had passed the inspection with flying colors, but with state bureaucracies, you never knew. While her caseworker, Riya, an eager, young girl with a round face, and sparkling smile, had been encouraging, the home inspector who studied her ranch home in the urban working class neighborhood had been dour and grumpy.
"Oh? That's wonderful. Come in," Alisha said, opening the door and stepping aside, still puzzled for the visit. "What brings you by today?"
Ankita stepped inside and, "Well I was in the neighborhood and wanted to talk to you about this in person. I've got bad news and good news. At least, I hope you'll find it's good news."
Alisha was shocked, and wondered what was happening. "I know you were ready to accept Riya into your home tomorrow," Ankita began. "But something has happened that'll make that impossible."
"Oh?" Alisha asked, puzzled, and saddened, since she had prepared a lovely girl's room for her new foster child, a 14-year-old girl named Riya.
The two had met, and Alisha had found Ankita to be a delightful, but terribly shy young girl, one who would benefit from the kind of nurturing that Alisha had practiced with her three boys, now grown, gone, married and successful in the world.
"Riya's mom has successfully completed her rehab, and now has decided that she wants her child back," Ankita continued.
"So she's going back to her mom now, immediately?"
"No. We can't risk that yet," Ankita explained. "But we felt it wouldn't be fair to Riya to move her again if she could only stay here for a few months and then have to be returned to her mom. She'll be better off staying where she is while we prepare Riya's mom to take her back."
Alisha sighed. "I guess that's for the best. But I had my heart set on Riya. She was so sweet."
"I know, Mrs. Patel, but I have no other teen girls ready for care now."
"Oh, I'm so ready for a child and my heart was so set on receiving one now," Alisha said with tears beginning to well up in her eyes.
"Well, that was the bad news. Here's the good news. I do still have a child for you. In place of Riya, I have a boy, almost 14, who needs your kind of care, Mrs. Patel."
"A boy? I'm not set up for a boy. The room... everything I've done was to make sure all was perfect for Riya. It was all designed for a girl. I'm not prepared to take a boy."
"I know you wanted a girl, Alisha," Ankita said. "This is a very special boy. His name is Satya, and he's the sweetest, shyest little boy you'll ever meet. I'm sure you'll take to him. I just know it. As soon as you meet him you will fall in love with him the same as you did with Riya."
Alisha's interest was now piqued, and she listened intently as Ankita explained how Satya was orphaned a year ago and was placed with an aunt where his boy cousins constantly harassed and beat up on him, to the point that his aunt couldn't take care of him anymore.
"He needs a nurturing loving household, Alisha, and I know you could provide that."
"Oh, Ankita. Boys can be so rough and tumble, though. You know I raised three of them myself, " Mary said.
"Oh, not this boy." Ankita countered.. "Satya is a very smart boy. He's just small for his age, so he has trouble with other boys. He likes to read a lot, and he seems to like to do the quiet things."
Alisha was interested but really wasn't sure, yet. She really wanted a girl and had her heart set on Riya.
Regardless of her feelings, she agreed that Ankita could bring Satya for a visit the next day, so the two could get acquainted. Of all the child welfare workers that had handled his case, Satya had found Ankita to be the kindest and most concerned about his welfare.
Ankita was young, just out of college, and she took her cases seriously; in truth, she was not sure of herself yet, and often wondered how she could even be trusted with the job of trying to save children. But here she was and right now her priority was to convince Alisha Patel to agree to just meet Angelo. She knew that that's all it would take for Anna to fall in love with Riya the same way she had taken to Riya.
Ankita drove Satya back to his aunt's house. He had just met the lady that was looking to adopt him. She seemed to be a very nice lady. After the hour-long meeting at her house, he had decided she seemed like someone he could see himself calling mom.
In fact, the meeting seemed perfect. Well, almost perfect. Even though Mrs. Patel appeared to be perfect for Satya, he wasn't sure if he was perfect for her.
Before the meeting, he found out that she had previously chosen someone else to adopt. Her first choice had been a girl. He also learned that she had already spent lots of money on preparing a bedroom for that girl and bought lots of things for her. The only reason that she was now interested in adopting him was because she found out that the girl she really had her heart set on was no longer available.
This troubled Satya and so he asked Ankita about it. "Mrs. Ankita? I have a question for you. If Mrs. Patel really wants to adopt a girl, won't she just be settling for me? Won't she always wish she had waited for another girl if that's what she really wants?"
At the moment they were stopped at a red light and Anna turned towards Satya, surprised at his concerns. "Oh dear child, no. Sweetheart, that's not the case at all. I have talked to her at length about you and I can tell you that after just one meeting with you, she already has lots of love to give to you. Yes, she may have had her heart set on a girl, but now that she's met you, she has lots of love to give you. She really wants a young teenager to love and that will love her, whether that be a girl or a boy. I promise you, she really does want you. I understand your concerns, but you truly have nothing to worry about."
Once Satya was back at his aunt's house, he retreated to the tiny bedroom in which he shared a bunk bed with Tony, his almost 13-year-old cousin.
Satya had grown to despise Tony, who, despite being younger, was already taller than Satya's four-foot eleven-inches, and demonstrably stronger with a developing muscular frame.
This younger cousin seemed to take great pride in demonstrating his superior strength. He loved to dominate Satya by grabbing his skinny, weak arm, and doubling it back as far as possible or putting him into a headlock until he begged for mercy.
Much as he tried to resist doing so, every time, Angelo eventually would cry, "Stop it," with tears streaming down his face.
Tony's reaction, once the tears began, was also the same every time. "Say pretty please, little girl. Dry your eyes, you sissy little cry baby. Man up, little baby Satya. You're such a girl. Are you sure you're not really a girl?
Tony always loved to taunt Satya. It was obvious Tony had seen the girliness in his cousin's mannerisms, the delicate way he flicked his hair, the way he held his arms with wrists limp when he ran or how he always tucked his feet under his butt while studying or drawing pictures.
Satya always tried to hide his gentle nature while with this family, which thrived on meanness and macho activity, but it was still pretty evident. Even Neha, Tony's sister, had pinned Satya down in a wrestling match in the living room one day, causing Angelo to feel shame at his weakness, at being unable to defend himself physically, even against girls.
Through it all, what gave him great comfort was those moments he could picture himself as a girl. He spent a great deal of time, mentally retreating into a girl's world of beauty, gentleness, and love, a world where he felt safe, respected, and accepted.
Lying in his upper bunk with Tony playing a video game below, Satya thought more about the adoption. He wished tomorrow could be Friday and he could leave this nasty house and move in with his new mom where she was ready to treat him with gentleness and love. He couldn't wait to get away from here for good. Friday couldn't come fast enough.
As he continued to lie there, lost in his thoughts, he found himself looking ahead; imagining what life might be like with his new mom. At one point a thought entered his brain and he began to wonder if it were a possibility he might be able to be as girlish as he wanted with her. Perhaps, he even wondered, she would maybe; hopefully, even let him be a girl. It was a wild idea, but he told himself that it was not outside the realm of possibility.
Satya began a list in his head, all of the reasons why he felt it possible. First, there was the fact that she really wanted a girl. Second, she had all those girls clothes and things she had spent a lot of money on, that would otherwise go to waste. Third, he had only met her today, but he already felt like she was a caring, understanding person that he could talk about anything with. And four, he was already convinced that there was no way he would be able to live out his entire life as a man.
He dozed off finally, with a smile on his face, nurturing those thoughts, believing it entirely possible that, since he was already so feminine in nature, he could be the perfect daughter for her.
The next morning, after having several dreams about it through the night, Satya awoke with an even greater hope and anticipation. He so desperately wanted to be the girl that his new mom had been anticipating, preparing for. He again wondered if there really was a chance he really could get to be that girl.
In the privacy of the bathroom, Angelo posed in front of the mirror, his body naked; private parts tucked back out of sight. "Oh yes," he mused aloud. "I absolutely can be a girl." With tears beginning to form in the corners of his eyes, he posed coquettishly, flicking his hair with a limp hand and now admiring his slender, pretty body. It was smooth, hairless and unmarked with muscular bulges; narrow shoulders and thin arms added to the illusion.
Yes, he felt he could totally be a sweet girl. Now, if only she would allow him to. Oh, how he hoped she would. For a moment, he felt all was about to be perfect in his life, but then a dark thought entered his mind, bringing him crashing down.
What if she was disgusted by the idea of him wanting to be her daughter? What if she thought the idea of a boy wanting to be a girl was sick and perverted? He didn't know her well enough, yet, to be able to know how she would react if he suggested this idea. It could go just as he wanted it to, but it could also cause her to no longer want him.
Satya sat on the edge of his bed, contemplating this conundrum as tears formed in the corners of his eyes
It was a beautiful, warm summer day when Ankita finally picked Satya up, in the early afternoon on Friday.
There were no tearful goodbyes from his aunt or
Tony and Neha. No, more than anything, they were ready to see him go, although Neha did whisper into Angelo's ear that she would miss him.
"I'll miss you too, Neha," he said. "We had fun. I'm gonna miss it."
Neha laughed, "I'll miss how you and I used to run to the park and play hide and seek. Remember that one time when you couldn't find me and got scared and went home to get Tony."
Satya reddened. He remembered all too well how, when he couldn't find her, he had gotten scared. He had thought maybe somebody had kidnapped her, and he had run excitedly around the park, his arms flailing about like a girl, getting the whole family looking for Neha, who was perched in the crotch of a tree, hidden by leaves, laughing the whole time.
Despite the things she had occasionally done to him, he still liked Neha, though she was only 12 and he was 14. Their fun was innocent and easy going, with Satya seemingly fitting in with her in the world of 12-year-old girls.
Satya placed his stuff in the trunk then got into the front seat of Ankita car and they began their trip to his new home. Ankita was mostly quiet on the trip over, saying only, "I hope this works for you, Satya. If you're not comfortable, I want to know right away, okay?"
"Oh Miss Ankita, I think this will be okay. Alisha, err... I mean, Mrs. Patel seems to want me, even though I'm not a girl like she originally wanted. And, I really think I'll like her very much. I mean, just from our meeting I already do. I love the house, too. It's bigger and nicer than anything I could have ever imagined."
Ankita placed a comforting hand gently on Satya arm as she drove on, saying, "Well, you're a really sweet boy. I want you to truly be happy there."
Satya looked towards Ankita and smiled. He was convinced he'd be happy there, particularly in the girlish atmosphere of his new room. He knew he would, he'd been dreaming about it every night since he had seen it.
When they arrived, Alisha Patel met them out front. She greeted them, saying hello to Satya first. She then talked to Ankita while Satya got his things out of the trunk of the car.
"You can take your stuff right to the bedroom, Satya," Mrs. Patel said after Ankita had completed the details of the placement and was preparing to leave.
"Okay,... Mom," he tried out hesitantly as he picked up his one suitcase and a bag of his few art materials and books.
"I'm sorry, but I haven't cleaned out all the girl stuff yet. We'll get to that later, I promise," Alisha apologized.
"Oh, that's okay. The room is fine," he replied quietly, as he entered the house.
"We can take down all the frilly decorations and put up a few soccer posters or something that's better for a boy once you get settled in. And next payday we can get a more suitable color and repaint the walls."
"Oh," Satya exclaimed, gasping, as he stopped just inside the room, looking around in amazement.
The room was even more girly and in his opinion, perfect, than what he had seen days ago. He could see that not only had she not done anything to get rid of any of the girliness in the room, she had actually added more girly flourishes.
There were teddy bears on the bed that wasn't there the other day. A pair of Ghungroos now hung off the corner of the dresser mirror. A pair of black and white Mary-Janes peeked out from under the edge of the bed, a black and white polka-dotted dress hung from a hook on the back of the closet door, and a large dark-pink rug was now positioned in the middle of the hardwood floor.
Several flowery hair bows were neatly lined up on one side of an antique looking vanity; a vanity that wasn't there before either. Satya couldn't help but grin from ear-to-ear.
"Th-this is fine. The room is okay just the way it is."
Alisha smiled to herself as Satya spoke again, "Mom? We can just leave it the way it is, for now."
He wanted to ask if they could keep it this way forever. He also wanted to just blurt out that he desperately wanted to become that daughter that she had wanted but he got scared and didn't, although, he comforted himself with the knowledge that he would, at some point.
Alisha told Satya to place his bags in the corner of the room. Once he had, he began to open them so that he could put his stuff away. Alisha stopped him, telling him that there would be time for that later. She then directed him to a door that he assumed would be another closet, but instead opened to reveal his very own bathroom.
He had never had his own bathroom before. He was used to having to share with other people. At his last house, Tony and Neha always bullied him and made sure they got the bathroom before him. Half the time they wouldn't even leave him enough time to take a shower, causing him to have to go to school without one.
"Everything you need to take a shower is in here," Alisha began. "Wash up and when you are done, get dressed and head to the kitchen. By the time you're done, dinner will be ready."
"What are we having," Satya asked.
"Well, what did you tell me the other day when I asked you what your favorite meal was?"
"Rajma chawal???" Satya yelled.
"I've never had them, so I hope I'm making them right," Alisha replied with a smile as she turned to leave.
"Mom?" Satya called out to her as she exited the bathroom.
Alisha stopped just outside the door and turned around. to see what he wanted.
"Thank you,... for everything." Satya then took the few steps towards her and wrapped his arms around her in a big hug.
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